I find myself doing a lot of back thinking about my past choices here lately. Wondering deeply where I would be if I had just taken a chance, or did the wrong thing for a change. “The Wrong Thing” now there is an interesting concept. I never thought I would ever find myself in the position of realizing that the right things were actually the wrong in the long run.
I’ve learned a lot of insight on things I overlooked and hints and signals missed that I now realize were opening doors I just walked right past. Of Course, over this last year, I also opened some doors that should have stayed shut realizing why I let them close the first time. Some doors from the past though I wish I had made different choices. Though I can’t change time, I’m happy with how things have transpired for those options and those people behind them, and would not dare compromise that by trying to open them now. I still wish I had at least walked through them if even for only a brief time.
On an even deeper point. I wonder how my current choices will steer the future from this point. There, of course, is no way of possibly knowing which leaves me with riddled questions. Is there really right and wrong choices? Are the decisions and choices we make in our lives really decided by us, or are they predetermined for us to walk a specific timeline?
I’d like to think things are in part of our control. But If I am truly in control, why does it seem I keep driving the bus into a wall? I suppose I could walk this around the block over and over, but I’m pretty sure it will just keep coming back to a state that we are not meant to know why, how, or when we should be doing something or who we are supposed to be doing it with. But let things take the course they are meant based on what is right at the time. I’m not sure I agree with it. But I will accept it none the less.