I’ve made a lot of concessions and compromises in my values over the years. Recently, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life in the grand scheme of things. I find myself wondering about, Where would I be if I had continued my original course? Where would I be if I had listened more to myself and less to other influences?
I have started down many roads. These roads though not traveled for very long have forged me into the person that I am today. Some of these journeys I talk about, and others I have held under my hat for way too long. For example, those that are outside of my close circle would not know that I once was deeply involved in the Church. I even taught Sunday School for a short time. Even my late ex Father-In-Law a Methodist Minister didn’t even know this about me. But, then again I never was never really able to connect with him on the level I would have liked to our opinions were too far apart.
Though I loved my time with the church I became distraught over the “business” of the church and quickly lost sight of the mission. I was even involved in a startup mission here in my community. That mission would suffer a fatal blow later down the line by having to move its original location. Having wandered away, by the time I came back it was too late for me to help save the sinking ship. The Pastor had decided to explore other avenues and that was the final ax. In that time away I had met a girl and spent most of my time with her.
There is so much that transpired during this era that I don’t want to go into right now that also had a strong drive to my redirected paths. I suffered a lot of loss, took on battles that were not my own, and tried to mend bridges I would later come to regret. I also got to know some great people though. I contended with some tensions with the family of the previously mentioned girl whom I later married. Through those tensions and trials though I earned a great respect for her Grand Parents. Her Aunt, I had great respect for as well as she stuck up for me one Christmas when I tried to bury the hatchet. ‘I never forgot that Mary’.
Having lost all of my Grand Parents at this point I grew to think of them as my own. I was thankful some years later at a lunch date, My Wife’s Grand Mother admitted that they thought my elevator didn’t quite go all the way up, but that over time they learned I was much more than I let on. Sadly, I never got the chance to continue that conversation with her. My wife and I had separated, and ‘Memom’ passed away from Cancer before I could get to see her again. Now divorced I find myself looking backward to the people who have influenced me with great respect. Even though some I don’t mention were a negative influence, they still contributed to who I am today.
Now you may ask, how is this relevant to the beginning of this writing? Well,
Though I never committed again to a church community after those experiences in the church, my values deep down never changed. Those values reignited when ‘Memom’ & ‘Pop’ started going to church regularly. Though I tried to get my family on the bandwagon, it would be too late for us as a unit.
Quietly I adopted the lyrics of the song in this video as my guide. I would meditate on this song as a teen during times of trial and there were many. I’m not quite at a point to leap back into a church, but I am embracing the values I once left behind.