I’m not a perfect person. Frankly, anyone who thinks they are has to be flawed in some aspect just to even believe it themselves. I’ve trudged through this life so far believing that hard work, playing by the rules, and earning money would bring happiness. I have since learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with hard work as long as you find enjoyment in doing it. That playing by the rules sometimes requires rewriting the rules in order to benefit the greater good. Earning money is a double-edged sword. You can’t get by in this world without it, but in turn, you have to sacrifice time and effort. That time and effort could be time for family and friends, raising your kids, or pursuing what you truly enjoy. These are lessons I would have never learned if I continued to walk through life believing I was a perfect person.
I rewalk in my mind the trials and journeys, those choices you make and compromise in order to attend to the happiness of those you care about. I contemplate where would I be today if I was a little more centered on myself and less of being accepted, or caring what others thought. If I just spent a little less time trying to fit into that perfect image of what happiness and satisfaction are portrayed to be. I spent 20 years of my life believing that perfect image of self and family. I guess I have come to realize that attending to everyone else’s needs they became too comfortable as a result.
When I suffered my heart attack in 2011, I started focusing more on things I wanted, the goals I wanted to achieve for myself. I guess they were not as willing to compromise as I was. Part of me feels that a dynamic of my life died that morning. Some that I cared deeply about started to make me feel like I had become a burden, a shell of my former self. The truth is inside I was just beginning to blossom, granted that was slowed by the recovery that would take me the next five years to regain. I guess I was no longer up to the speed, I moved a little slower, took a little longer, and didn’t quite get things done like before. How do you not become depressed when you feel that way.
I suppose in summation, the grass is greener on the other side. Why? Not because it is better as they say, but because it has not been messed with. It has been allowed to grow in the time it needed, not concerned with matching the grass in the next field but recovering from a drought and regaining its roots to become stronger and better than before.
Don’t waste your life trying to appear perfect. Perfection is a false appearance that is unattainable. Instead, find peace within yourself. Speak your heart, share your mind. Don’t dedicate your life to being accepted, be the exception. Be accepted not because you have compromised yourself to assimilate to those around you, but because your individuality draws people to you. So, yes, I am indeed an imperfect person. I would not have it any other way now.